Things that bother me
I’ve been really moody lately and the people who i surround myself with doesn’t make it any better
I guess i should stop going onto facebook because everyone is posting about my principal’s termination. I’m so annoyed that everyone is posting the same thing. I get the point. You’re bad. But that doesn’t mean you need to point fingers. I’m sure everyone knows who did what, but you really don’t need to call anyone names or denounce anyone. They did what they believed was for the better of the community. If you don’t agree with that, then that’s fine. But people are given the right to have their own opinions. And for the school board to hold so firmly on their belief is something that they should get credit for. For a few people to hold onto their opinion when a room FILLED with people are there to lash out at them. That’s pretty inspiring to me. This doesn’t mean that I’m agreeing to what they did, i just think it’s pretty respectable to be so firm on their decision. On the other hand, it was amazing how many people went to the meeting last night. I definitely regret not going. The support system that she has is incredible. It’s something I’ve never seen before. Everyone wants to make a difference and reverse the school board’s decision. Here’s your chance. These next few weeks should be pretty interesting. Mrs. Heinrich is a pretty supportive principal. I’ve seen her at many of our football games and volleyball game and every other event that we hold at school. But I guess there are other things out there that we don’t know about that lead the school board to conclude to their decision. I don’t know, I don’t just don’t want to judge them. I thought I was mutual to this case but now I’m leaning over to support Mrs. Heinrich. Although she didn’t do anything to impact my life, she didn’t do anything bad to deserve this punishment either. At least nothing bad that I know of. So I support her.
ON ANOTHER NOTE. I’m just frustrated that I put a piece of my heart out there to like someone. I’m not scared to like anyone, but when I do, it really comes from the heart.
this week
i haven’t been blogging lately because i’d rather sleep than tell a bunch of strangers how my life is. but now i have time(: and i’d rather express my personal thoughts on this tumblr because not many people follow me here. anyways let’s start with CIF
so i didn’t expect my team to win because 1. we suck. we’re only good when EVERYONE wants to put in the effort to win. two people are not strong enough to carry the team during a playoff game. i mean it’s the last game of the season and still no one stepped up. it’s such a disappointment. our game this year is drastically different from last year. we reached the third round last year because we ALL wanted it. during our 2nd round, we were behind 19-23 BUT we ended up winning that game. why? because we all did our jobs. because we all had the same goal. because we BELIEVED in ourselves. to be honest, i lack a lot of confidence. why? because everyone has such high expectations for me and i feel like they’re all out of my reach. but it’s really not. because after the game on tuesday, quite a few people told me how well i played. i didn’t think i played very well but people even came up to me the next day to tell me that i did a good job. something simple as that really made me happy and satisfied. i told my team that we could do it and i told myself that i could do it. but i didn’t believe anything i was saying. i was trying to FORCE myself to swallow those words. but i guess if i can’t believe in my team, then no one would either. that’s why we lost. oh and we lacked teamwork as well. like i said, two people couldn’t carry the team. HOWEVER, after the game, we were in the teamroom discussing what just happened. the most disappointing thing ever was that my coach PRAISED girls who didn’t do so well. are you kidding me. you yell at me and blame me for the mistakes of others because i didn’t PUSH them enough. but when they mess up on their own, you end up APPLAUDING them? what is this nonsense? please explain to me because clearly i don’t understand it. i know that you yell at me because you know that i can play 10 times better but you still don’t tell others that they did great when they really didn’t. if that many people did as great as you said, then we’d display more teamwork on the court. but there as none. ZERO teamwork.
and today was just a weird day. during sixth period, i was in the library doing homework instead of going home. the moment i looked up, i saw someone who looked exactly like him from the back. they both had the same walking posture. i told myself that it couldn’t be him, that my mind is playing tricks on me. but i look out the window, and surely it was the person who i thought it was. how fucken weird. THE MOMENT i look up for a second from doing my homework, i see him. is that bad timing or what? and that bothered me for a while. why? i honestly don’t know. i just don’t ever want to see him. EVER. i would live my life perfectly content if i never see or hear about you for the rest of my life. is that really too much to ask for? because i don’t think it is. and when i come to think of it, when i cleaned out my locker and put my stuff in the car, there was someone who parked next to me who was staring at me and smiling at me for the longest time. i thought he was a COMPLETE CREEPER, but come to think of it, maybe it was his friend driving him. because he’s not even legal to get his license yet. so it has to be. NOW i know why that guy was staring at me. at least i THINK that’s the reason. it makes sense to me. ugh what a strange day.
oh and asb is a pain in my ass. i regret joining it 100%. i wish i took drawing and painting. at least i’ll ENJOY going to that class. but lesson learned and i’m going to drop that class 2nd semester. i’ll do ANYTHING except for geology because i HATE history. so i guess i’ll be a ta for a teacher. i don’t know who i’ll be a ta for but anyone is better than being in asb. 1. it’s time consuming. 2. no one is friendly. 3. no one appreciates your hard work. what ticked me off the most was that i worked for 4 periods during the blood drive INCLUDING LUNCH but i guess i ended up with a B or a C for that day. WHAT THE FUCK. i dedicate my day. i skip my classes AND time to be with my friends to work at a place where you don’t even need me. there are WAY TOO MANY people work at one station that i find myself doing nothing most of the time. so then i bust out my book and read for the rest of the day because sitting there staring at people get their blood taken out is pointless. and what do i get in return? a fucken B or C. are you fucken kidding me. so much for appreciating that i skipped my class. you guys just expect me to dedicate my time. but that’s not how things are suppose to be. and i REFUSE to accept it. so i’ll just walk away. no problem, it’ll save me so much time and stress.
dreams
okay this is a really silly dream, but it felt so real and i was really happy until woke up and realized it was all just a dream.
so rose court tryouts was a while ago, and i didn’t expect to go any further than the first day. BUT during my dream, i won queen. it was amazing because how did i win queen when they never called me back to go to quarter’s and semi’s? it was absolutely impossible. but then i realized the person who chooses the queen is the king. and the king was none other than him. and he chose me and put the crown on my head. it was like a fairy-tale!(: and then when we walked out together, he held in hand out and i put my hand on top of his, just like the old days when the price would hold hands with the princess. it was the cutest thing ever. all eyes were on me, and i felt like a freakin princess. ]: STUPID DREAMS. they get my hopes up for no reason.
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I wish someone took a picture of everything when it happened. I finally have a story to tell people of how I got asked to hc(: This is the first time someone legitly asked me to a dance. Throughout the week when people were getting asked, I didn’t expect anyone to ask me. I had no problem going to hc just to work for ASB because I know I’d have fun anyways. But Vivian Wu sucks at keeping secrets<3 so I sorta knew something was going to happen but I didn’t know WHAT. So during lunch I was standing by the stage watching people get asked to homecoming. And Vivian pulled me aside and told me that she had something really important to tell me. It was amazing how serious her face looked, she didn’t laugh or anything. So I’m proud of you for keeping a straight face best(: LOL And she took me to the area where all the football players run out during games, and on the floor there was a tennis ball and a bull’s eye on the wall. I was suppose to throw the ball to the bull’s eye to win a prize. I was literally standing 5 feet away and I kept on missing. I thought he was going to come out from the door so I braced myself for that moment. When I finally made it, a prize fell down from the sky and it was this hello kitty. (yay i get to add another one to my car collection!) And then I turned around and his friends were holding a HELLO KITTY poster(: but before i got a chance to read it, he popped out and asked me to hc with a purple rose. It was perfect(:
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lesson learned. again.
The next time i want to go out with someone, i promise to be friends with them first. maybe we should be best friends before getting that idea that we should go out. the mistake that i made this time was not getting to know him before things began to escalate. i feel bad doing what i did, but it was just eating at me. the idea was becoming a burden and i had to get it off my chest. i’m helluh proud of myself for being courageous but i couldn’t have done it without theresa, brian, and amanda. if i didn’t have great friends who cared about me and be there for me when i needed them, i would probably be in my bed crying right now. i just remembered that sometimes you just have to be selfish and do what you gotta do. i have to take care of myself first. i’m sorry, but i really didn’t want things to be awkward and i REALLY REALLY do hope that we can be friends. since you gave me my space, it’s time to give you yours.
summer lesson
Next time i have a crush on someone, i’m not going to follow him on tumblr. right now, i’m going back and forth on my blogs because i don’t want him reading some of my stuff. i just don’t know any other way to say it but i really think that things are better off if we’re just friends. at the stage that we’re in, i think that there’s no problem going back to the friend stage. i just don’t see us going out and i don’t want to force things. but then again i don’t know how to say that we should just be friends because i don’t want to cause any issues. i guess the way i’m acting now shows that i just want to be friends. afterall, we don’t talk much anymore anyways. i hate always having my phone in my hands at all times. i use to hate it when people would be texting the whole time when they’re out with their friends. i don’t want to be that person. i’m even irritated at myself for always holding my phone. i can only imagine how much it’s annoying other people. on top of that, i really don’t have much to say anymore.
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YOU’RE SO MOTHER FUCKEN STUPID . i have no words but to say how stupid you are. every time i get mad, it’s because of your stupidity ! ugh can you just be smarter? i CLEARLY told you that i can’t drive people and how i got lectured already and yet you still thought i was driving you. i thought you were planning our adventure, but i guess i can never count on you. i was looking forward to catching up with you, now i just don’t wanna talk to you. thanks for getting my hopes up. GET THE FUCK OUT.
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Detached
Summer makes me feel like so isolated from the world. I’ve stopped talking to most of my girlfriends because they either have a job or have SAT classes. I feel like I don’t have anyone to vent to anymore. Or maybe it’s because I just like to keep things to myself. So much is going on in my head but I don’t want to say it. Everyone is taking these classes and I feel like I should do the same. But nah, I’ll stay as a nonconformist and study on my own. I’d rather save my money to do other fun stuff. And I really don’t care much about my SATs. I have the grades and my extracurricular activities to pull me through. Not to forget one of the most important component: my personal statement, which I have lots of people who are super willing to help me. The reality of going off to college really hit me when I visited UCI’s campus. I don’t want to leave home. I’m not that independent yet and I’m not ready to start my life. I still want to be a kid. ): Anyways, staying at home for two days straight gave me lot of time to do the thing I hate most: think. And most of the time, I overthink. I always think of the past and how much we both changed. I, for the better. I realize that I’m a lot happier and more carefree. I can be impulsive and my actions won’t hurt anyone. But I don’t know, I guess I can never fully get over my first until someone better comes along. I hope I’ll meet the right person in college. I don’t want to settle. Right now, i dont even want to be dating but then again i dont want to let one incident stop me from living life. But i do like having my wall up. UGH im just not ready now. Whatever. Sometimes I even think about wanting to be friends only because it makes me feel better knowing that I’m friends with everyone. Stupid thought but my mind likes to go off to its’ own world. I really like blogging on this tumblr so I think i’m going to use this one for a while. I feel so alone in this world.
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i wish someone understood
why were you there today? i mean you already graduated and of all places in the summer, you want to be back at school just because your girl just got out of xc prac? it makes no sense. and you weren’t in your usually t-shirt & jean attire, you were all dressed up for some event. what’s that? coming to school just to see her, knowing that i have summer volleyball. sitting at a spot where you know that i’d see you. holy shit when i saw you i thought i was going nuts. but why should i care that you’re there? do i care? i really don’t know, i don’t even know how i feel about it. i just know i still don’t like seeing you. of all places on the world, why were we both put at the same place, at the same time, at the same day? i really don’t know. but i really shouldn’t care because i’m happy with the way things are for me.
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